A disturbing thought that rips through my mindfulness practice recently is the self appointed authority that people do in gatherings. I written about it on my Substack. I brought it here in hopes to see if other people feel the same way or see it differently AND even hear their solutions.
Networks matter in the Art and Writing world but can you trust your neighbor. This brings me back to understanding the Golden Rule, and later the Platinum Rule. Knowing that these rules are flawed and can cause serious toxic chaos, how does one find the balance and solutions for one’s self. Is ignoring the problem and avoiding people the only path?
I can see the tension you’re pointing to between inclusion and affinity, especially in spaces that are meant to be collaborative but also honest.
It’s interesting how quickly intent can get lost once something is interpreted a certain way. From there, it seems like everything shifts toward policy and protection rather than understanding what actually happened between people.
To your point about respect and trust- It feels like those are what make inclusion workable in practice, not just as an idea. Without them, even well-meaning guidelines can turn rigid or reactive.
I don’t have a clear answer to your question, but it does make me wonder whether inclusion depends as much on how people repair misunderstandings as it does on how they try to avoid them in the first place.
There’s a lot here, and I can feel how personal these experiences have been for you.
Something I’ve noticed in group spaces is how quickly people move to defining what’s right instead of staying with what’s actually happening between them. Once that shift happens, it can be hard to come back to a human level of interaction.
Affinity can make things feel easier, but it can also limit what people are exposed to. Inclusion opens things up, but it asks more of everyone in the room. Without some shared willingness to slow down and repair when things get off track, both can start to feel strained.
It sounds like you’re really asking what makes a space workable in real life, not just in theory.