Hi everyone, I am a 29-year old PhD student, and I have recently been doing the 30-days of bliss course in the app (30 mins per day), which focusses on Metta and compassion meditation a lot. I am really enjoying it, but have a rather specific block in my mind.
Some background: currently my PhD in microbiology involves experimentation with mice, and having done this for 2 years and become increasingly uncomfortable with the ethics of animal experimentation, and I have decided that I am morally against most mouse experimentation. However, rather than stopping outright and leaving the project unfinished, I have decided to finish the work for one last year, so that the previous work will at least lead to a meaningful benefit for humanity, while doing everything to reduce the suffering of the mice.
So the problem I often encounter with Metta mediation is that when I expand the feelings of Metta and compassion to all living creatures, instead to producing blissful feelings of Metta that I can produce for other humans, it switches to a form of guilt and conflict in my conscience. Without going into the deep ethical arguments for and against animal experimentation, this switch often derails my meditation into an internal debate inside my brain about whether it’s the right decision to finish the work or simply stop straight away.
Does anyone have any advice?
Or has anyone else had other blocks with regards to Metta / compassion meditation, and could share their own problems and potential solutions?
I appreciate my block is quite specific to me, but I’m interested to hear others perspectives and potentially difficulties with Metta.
Hi Kieran, thank you for naming this so clearly. What you’re describing makes a lot of sense to me. When compassion meets a real, unresolved moral tension in our lives, it often doesn’t produce warmth at first; it produces honesty.
One thing I’ve seen in practice is that metta can surface places where care and conflict coexist. In those moments, the practice isn’t necessarily asking you to resolve the question or arrive at clarity. It may just be revealing how much you care, and how complex that care is.
It might help to notice the moment when the practice shifts in feeling tone. Not to stop it, but to recognize that the mind is trying to protect something important. Try to send that feeling “good vibes,” allowing compassion for yourself as someone living inside an imperfect system. Hopefully, this can create enough space for the practice to continue, without forcing it to be blissful.
You’re not doing metta wrong if it brings up discomfort. For many people, that’s part of how it deepens, even if it’s not talked about much.
Thank you for sharing this. That feels genuinely hard to live with, and I really respect the care you’re bringing to it.
Holding compassion while being inside a situation that violates your values is incredibly uncomfortable. The fact that you’ve thought this through carefully and chosen to finish the project so the work isn’t in vain, while actively trying to reduce suffering, is an honorable decision, even though I know it might not feel clean or resolved on the inside.
I agree with @MiraMind about shifting some of the compassion inward. There’s often an assumption that we should be able to extend warmth outward without friction, but when there’s moral difficulty or unresolved grief present, the heart can tighten instead. Self-compassion and forgiveness can resolve those blocks.
You might find it helpful to check out the Combat Training module, which teaches a method for releasing emotional blocks and letting go.
I’d also recommend the short but powerful self-compassion practice by Kristin Neff in the app. You can find it under Further Training → Additional Methods, or by searching “Neff.” It’s brief, grounded, and very honest about how compassion often begins with acknowledging pain rather than trying to transcend it.
You’re not alone in this block, even if the specifics are unique. Many people run into places where compassion practice reveals unresolved grief, ethical conflict, or other internal issues that don’t have an easy answer. The work then becomes staying present without forcing resolution. That, in itself, is a form of compassion.
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my message, both your replies have given me some very useful pointers and I really appreciate your wisdom in this practice. I will continue to work at it, trying to shift some of the compassion inwards towards myself, and I’ll definitely check out the Combat Training module and Kristin Neff practice.
It is reassuring to hear that it’s not uncommon for compassion practice to paradoxically reveal internal issues and therefore create tension rather than bliss.
